Meh. Confused.

So, I'm sitting here, just chillin', bored. And of course, I'm listening to "Stick To Your Guns - Comes From The Heart," as I've been doing since I got it. Epic album, by the way.


But anyways, I was looking through some photos, some mine, some, another persons. And, there's a few photos that I sat and looked at, and was just... confused. Like, "that photo doesn't make any sense. What is she doing?" But, that doesn't matter. There's someone climbing the walls I've built around me, trying to get back in. And I'm making it easier on her. I'm tearing down the walls, one brick at a time. Just so she has an easier time getting in. Now, part of me is saying "dude, don't do it." But, the other part of me is saying "dude, go for it. You still love her, you might as well."

I'm listening to the bigger half, because a lot has changed, between the both of us. Both personally, and emotionally. But, don't get it twisted, I'm still that asshole who holds in more emotions than he should, and doesn't say as much as he needs to. But, a lot of that HAS changed. But, I'm stuck. I'm stuck as to what's going on, and what's going to happen. Now, I know it's not "right" what she's doing. She's well, cheating on her boyfriend. Not physically, but emotionally. But, perhaps she was never devoted to him anyways, because everything that she's ever felt for me, has always been there? I'm not sure how it works, nor do I really even care. Because either way, I'm still confused by it. But, it's whatever.

I want her back in my life, for good. I want her to be a permanent part of my life, for the final time. But, I'm not sure if that could, or even CAN happen. Only time will tell, and time has never been on my side. I just know I miss her, and I have since the day she left. And I never thought I'd have her back in my life, as my girl. But hey, crazier things have happened before, right? I guess only time will tell. Hopefully, I'll be seeing her around New Years Eves, so I guess we'll see...